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  • Writer's pictureTyler Miller

I'm at a Weird Spot Where my Hobbies Aren't Quite Engaging

Updated: Mar 17

I'm not even in a spell of depression or feeling 'down'. I'm not really sure what to do. I don't have the fire to learn a cool song on guitar, much less throw my headphones on and listen to music. I don't care about video games, I'm burnt out on watching movies, reading doesn't sound enjoyable, and I'm currently imposter-syndromed and disillusioned with my writing ability. Keeping locked into a hobby or interest is a major ingredient in my recipe for productivity, so this spell of disinterest is really killing my mind.

I'm just bored. Hopelessly bored.

That's all I really have to say for now. A short post, but a subject that really irritates me. I'll edit and republish as the story develops. Stay tuned! (9/7/22)

Looking back over this post, I realize two things now. One, it was in fact that I was in the beginning cycle of how my depression works for me. I lose interest, I turn into a human black-and-white film for a while, and life just sucks. My second realization is that I want to be better at managing myself. From the simple Jordan Peterson "make your bed", to the realizing that if I don't like my situation, then it's my responsibility to keep myself from hiding in diagnoses and symptoms to excuse away not making the changes, I want to be able to recognize my own self-destruction and put in the time and work to get myself out of this void I sometimes find myself sinking into. These barriers like major depressive disorder and ADHD paralysis are just things that exist in this life of mine, and in order to make it through in this life, I recognize that I have to work with and through these obstacles. To fail to at least try would be to fail myself, my successes, my challenges, and the people who take the time to help me keep going. (Update 1/12/23)

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